i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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