Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize