he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
