Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
