hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
