dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
