You're so nebulous sometimes
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
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The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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