Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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