when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
