My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
