We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
