two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My vagina is officially offended.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
