Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Randomize
