I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
