I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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