I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My feet surprised me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
