What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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