how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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