I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my shit smells like andre
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
