You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
