You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
