Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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