We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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