I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
