and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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