Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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