Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
