never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
