Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
