my sisters under your porch take her home
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just invented taco cereal.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
