i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
