oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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