I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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