Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
