im holly from the hills drunk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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