Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
