I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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