Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
