Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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