I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
