Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
