So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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