Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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