every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
