When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
tell me about the fingering
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