Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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