I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
