coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
