I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
