you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
