Your mouth is God's brothel.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
