On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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