My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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