you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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