My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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