It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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