brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
