no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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