You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
