glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
no you cant smoke seaweed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
