I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i came on her dog
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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