Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
