Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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