PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
