Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
