the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
false alarm, still single
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