he shaved USA in his pubs
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
