Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
