even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
