Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
