Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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