On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
