It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up under a house in Key West
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
