I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you win again, gameday.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I deserve this hangover.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
