Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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