but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
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i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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