nut hugger
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
